I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
