Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
