i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
