You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
