and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
