also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
