i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dick very happy bro
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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