so that wasnt chicken after all
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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