her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
