"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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