I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
