mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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