I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
