I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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