So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
