I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
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Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
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Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just want to make out with him forever
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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