dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
