It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
