i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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