i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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