I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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