brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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