Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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