I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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