you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
