is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
