i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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