I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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