I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
