Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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