I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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