is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
