i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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