when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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