Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
