I checked into jail on foursquare
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
