mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
