Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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