I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
