hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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