Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
