dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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