I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
