Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
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I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
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There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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