Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
