I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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