You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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