Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
