We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
