I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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