Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
