i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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