You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
