I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
