I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
