i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
