she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
