I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i dont even know how to be here
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
