why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize